Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
