im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar