Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
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So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm like, not good at living.