girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
