theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???