You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
