Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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