I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
