Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
