Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
