Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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