Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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