i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
did i walk over a car last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
