It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
