I am puke
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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