I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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