ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
