Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
