my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
