is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
