You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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