I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
