Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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