it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
