Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
