every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
