my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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