if you like me you must not know who I am
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I pour the whiskey from now on
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
