Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
