I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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