so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
