Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
