At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
