so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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