dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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