Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
