i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
