I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
