Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
where are my eyebrows?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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