I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
