brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
