every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
