I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
