I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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