Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
