I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
