Got a toothbrush?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
