i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize