He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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