I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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