i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
