Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
