He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
