I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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