you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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