I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize