even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
