eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dick very happy bro
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
