she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
