that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
