What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
