Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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