So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
