a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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