you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
