When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
