i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
