I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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