using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
