evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
