She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How's work?
Spinning.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
