what day is it and did you see me today?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
