toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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