It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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