I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
