Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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