I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
