hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
