Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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