There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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