he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize