I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
